1989 - College in Melbourne

I got the marks to get into law in 1988. So in 1989 I moved down to Melbourne to stay at a residential college. Boy was I in for a big surprise!
I'd made the mistake of enrolling at a small residential college. My cousin, who was sexually attractive to women, was also there. And this is where the problems began. Immediately the nastiness began, nasty comments and comparisons between his good looks and my bad looks.
And also here I began to put on weight. Wouldn't anyone who subjected to such abuse? As well, I noticed a very powerful double standard.
The women at college were free to follow or chase around any of the more attractive guys (and most of them did, while ignoring the other 70% of males - sound familiar?). But if an ugly male so much as DARED look at a woman that was considered disgusting. The sheer physical double standard was breathtaking to watch.
I was playing a double game here. I was living out my ugliness, but also planning and working toward a goal- to get enough money to rebuild myself as a plastic superbeing. Would I succeed, and show those snobby college bastards what for? Well, lets just wait and see......

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The End of 1988

By the end of 1988, I had worked hard and become Dux of my school. This was after doing nothing for the first five years of high school. But this time, I had a goal. This time, I was a man on a mission. Quite simply, I would work hard, go to University in Melbourne, then have cosmetic surgery. I mean, those people could fix my problems.
I didn't know exactly what I needed but I knew I needed something. I had a chubby but flat face, with red thick skin. It would be major but necessary surgery.
The thoughts of transforming myself gave me dark comfort : every time I'd see others flirting I'd think "that could be me one day". Instead of feeling lonely and angry- the normal reaction us ugly people get when we see flirting- I saw a chance to one day defy them all. I worked hard for the rest of 1988 for that chance.

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Early 1988

So here I was. The start of 1988. I was 16 years old, facing my final year of High School. 1987 was the year it all finally clicked. That there was a good looking system and I was a loser. I would not accept. But how to defy my ugliness?
My destiny would not be stopped. I had a chubby face, red thick skin and flat cheekbones. My destiny for cosmetic surgery called me. But I needed money.

I resolved there and then to work hard for money- money I would then funnel into surgery costs. It was my destiny. So 1988 I would work hard all year to get the marks for law to get the income to rebuild myself. Simple? Simple Plan.....

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Late 1987

So here I was, late 1987. I had realized my destiny had come to pass: that of an ugly man. I went on the school trip of Tasmania, an ugly man of 16, struggling with his weight and acne.
I became aware of the totality of ugliness, the complete exclusion. I was aware there was a "script" to follow, that I had to know my place and kow tow to the goodlooking kids, the ones in the school play.
Its a script I have never, and will never follow. My destiny was set. I had to have cosmetic surgery. But how to afford it? I resolved that I would work hard to raise the funds.

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March 1987

Ok, March 1987. Rural town in Western Victoria, Australia. A slightly pimply 15 year old discovers, through unrequited love, that he isn't terribly attractive. It then goes a little deeper. After being out of the social whirl prior to 1987, it dawns on him that this is basically how society is structured. Good looking people get everything they want, and the better looking you are , the more popular you are. Its not in his nature to simply accept this. He must fight it.

I looked in the mirror. I knew something was wrong, but not sure what. My skin was red. My face was slightly chubby. My nose was wide, and my cheekbones flat. I wasn't "defined"? But what did this mean. In that hour I made a vow, that I would not accept my ugliness, but rather research and fight for a cure.
It wont be easy. At this stage I was an unambitious student who couldnt' do maths from a middle income family. But I knew that money would be needed to transform myself. In that hour it began.

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It all began in 1987

For me, this journey began in 1987 in a rural town in Western Victoria. It was there, in year 11, I learned my true destiny, that I was an unattractive man, and that my life would be a struggle against ugliness. This blog will now tell that incredible journey.

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